when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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