My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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