I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
