he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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