Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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