Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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