DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
