How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
