something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
