I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
