We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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