Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
