For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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