I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
