how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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