I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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