i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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