I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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