Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize