I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
where does the pee come out of this thing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
