she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
