i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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