did you get engaged???
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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