I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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