who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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