The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize