Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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