I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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