Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
