He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
