You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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