She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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