I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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