thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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