Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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