i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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