took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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