youre lurking in front of me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
