No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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