so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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