I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
