drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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