yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
