First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize