2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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