You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
