I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
