i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize