Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
