I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
