like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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