I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
