Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
