I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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