He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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