Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
