Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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