i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
