Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
