and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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