I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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