very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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