sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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