Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
