If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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