If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
