A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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