You're so nebulous sometimes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
