i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
