this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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