This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
