i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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