PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
