I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
