My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
