Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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