Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize