At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
