I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
