I'm gonna have a badass scar
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
