there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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