people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
