I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
