I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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