This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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