I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
