I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
