if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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