sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
